Journal Day 2

So I missed a day big whoop, wanna fight about it?  Got really busy yesterday actually, tended to some insurance business, talked to a potential new client, applied at State Farm, mowed the yard and watched 6 at soccer practice, actually I watched 2 while Mom coached 6’s team.. their last game is Saturday, then it’s baseball season, Coach pitch and 6 will crush it,, I’m anxious to see the look on his coaches face the first time he crushes one, he can really hit the ball, I’ve been throwing at him since he was about 3. he’s got work to do on fielding and throwing straight to the person he’s throwing to, but that will come in time.

Goals today, scrape the popcorn ceiling in the living room.. DONE,, a great workout for my arms, needed that workout for sure..if you’ve never attempted scraping a popcorn ceiling off and are not sure what or how to do it easily,, I can help, just shoot me an email,,, contact link is on this blog.

in keeping with the goals venue, some research into other insurance carriers in the metro that may be hiring, and possibly some other employment options, my goal is to make 80K plus my freelance  that includes audiobook narration, radio station imaging for a couple of stations and general voice work here in the KC area. Would love to do talk radio, but I don’t think I’m articulate enough to make it work the way I would like to. It’s always been my passion, but lets face it, there’s not a lot of money in it when you’re trying to support a family.

Time to finish the ceiling, maybe I’ll post a pic or two here on the blog when its done..


Journal Day 1

I’ve decided to start this journal, mainly to track ideas, dreams, accomplishments and goals hopefully on a daily basis. See what I’ve done, make some adjustments and then act upon them.  So.. lets begin, I’m on vacation from Job 1 (only 3 days though) and am on a honey-do list from C. We started this morning by hauling off all the carpet yanked up on the remodel, got the garage semi cleaned up and arranged so at least you can walk through it without falling over all the scraps, flea market finds and assorted kids bikes, balls and plastic swords… Rescued a bicycle from the dump, it was in remarkably good shape, one of those extreme trail bikes with knobbies and a mono-shock system,, filled the tires with air, WD40 on the chain and viola.. new bike for me to ride with 6.

Found a new app for LinkedIn Android for job search, looking for a full time salaried + compensation insurance gig.. found a couple worth exploring at State Farm, so I’ll drop resume and apply, all they can say is no right?.. Geico and Progressive both denied my existence and or qualifications for the positions they had open. my guess is that they saw how old I am and said.. “naaaa we’ll pass”.. I will start the process of scraping the ceiling in living room to get all the crap popcorn ceiling off and then we’ll be ready for paint.  Move the hardwood into the room to “season” itself and then that adventure begins.. may need to lay a new tile hearth around the fireplace to compensate for the floor being off level by 1/2 inch or so.. shoddy construction during the homebuilding phase I’m sure..


Get some applications out,

write a Medicare policy, write an individual policy for a family,

clean up the house a bit before Mom gets here in a couple of weeks for a 2 day stay.( She’s driving across the country with her sister on the annual trek to Nebraska for the summer months, hope to see all the pics of her and my dads adventure in SouthEast Asia, pretty cool vacation if you ask me.)

Play more with the boys.. ride my new dump find with J, help C with his words, and just be a Dad

Dreams: Being able to use my talents skills in a way to financially support my family, give to my church and help others..that’s it..  more tomorrow…

Lost and Found?

I’ve been reading a book from a colleague entitled “GO- Finding Your Passionate Purpose” by Greg Knapp and it’s really got my wheels turning, I mean for the last 27 years I’ve been following what I thought my purpose was, Radio, and all it encompasses, Oh sure, I’ve met celebrities, attended countless concerts, produced literally 10,000+ commercials, learned from the best programmers yada yada yada,, but was it what I was REALLY supposed to be doing with my life. Did I waste the last 2 and 1/2 decades trying to achieve a goal that wasn’t really attainable? Its mind boggling to me really…

What would or could I do to support my family and truly live the lifestyle I only read about in supermarket checkout lines? Would I really want that lifestyle? Probably not, but I would like to not owe anyone anything monetarily. I would love to take my wife to Italy, I want to leave my sons with something other than a watch that’s over 150 years old, (still works too).. I am trying so hard to find that purpose in my professional life where I can do the things I want to do with my family, I want to be able to give to my church, I want to help whomever I can, with whatever I can.

I dream of the day I can be my own employer, but am so afraid of failure that the fear is numbing, I would love to start my own design business, helping create atmospheres that inspire, energize and warm the heart and soul. I enjoy being able to create things with my voice, but that just doesn’t pay the bills any longer. It’s more my grind now than my passion.  I have to start setting achievable goals, I feel like the solitary glove in the Lost and Found. Where’s the match? Stuck inside a box, left out in the schoolyard, dropped in a cab?

I must trust in God to help me down the right path.. I must find what’s lost before time slips by.. I will be successful, I will be…..found, never to be lost again…I will find my purpose and follow it passionately.

Sometimes you just have to write things down to express the thoughts that race through my head, hope it inspires you to find what you’re looking for..

The 5 things I wish I would’ve done differently in the 80’s

So, I like to think about all the stupid stuff I did back in the 80’s. A superb decade for the cocaine fueled egos we all (well almost all ) had as we slept very little, drank way too much and had literally the time of our lives.  I say that now, but If I had it to do differently, there are a few things I would change, mostly concerning my education, and then there are the 5 things I definitely would have done differently

5. 1989 was a huge year, it was the end of the era, it was my 10th High School Reunion, I wish I would have told everyone that I was not interested in doing beer bongs at the fairgrounds and had talked to the people that I talk to now from that class.  I wonder what would have happened, had I not declined my Dads offer to pay for my education to Mizzou and instead opted to become a “blue collar” worker like my Grandfather. I really really regret not doing that

4. 1982 I rode in a hot air balloon with some friends in Albuquerque and l lost my class ring, not that I would wear now, that would be such a douchebag thing to do, but I lost it in the desert as it slipped off my hand as I was doing beer bongs in the balloon. I sometimes wonder whatever happened to it, did it land on a turtles back and he’s been walking around the desert for the last 35 years? or maybe it plummeted into and splattered  the brain of a jackrabbit, or for that matter landed on a thorn of one of those monstrous cactus.

3. 1984 The two large girls I used to drink tequila shots  with at the apartment complex in Springfield, (and for the life of me I cannot remember their names which is probably a good thing) I wonder if I  would have listened to you and indeed roadtripped with the beer bongs and tequila cannon and gone with you to Alaska to work it would have been a great experience?

2. 1980 I wonder what would have happened had I not been there to watch STS001 (Space Shuttle) land in the desert at White Sands New Mexico, it was truly one of the coolest things I’ve ever witnessed. I also got my first tattoo the same day. Would my life had been changed forever if I had not seen this and gone to El Paso to do beer bongs and tequila shooters with my brothers.

1. The entire decade, I would have been a better friend, a better companion, a better student, a better brother, a better son, a better citizen, a better person..

Now, having said all that, If I had done  all those things differently, I would never have met my wife, I would never have the two beautiful boys as sons, I would never have gotten into Radio, and had the time of my life for the last 28 years I would never have met all the people who have shaped my life, who have helped me through it, who’ve guided me, mentored me, bailed me out of jail, loaned me money, shared fish tacos with, puked on, partied with, loved, despised, cried and loved……

That my friends is why I probably wouldn’t have changed anything about a decade in my life that, quite frankly I can’t believe I survived. I wonder what the next phase of my life will bring? I pray that God guides my hand, steadies my thoughts, steers my thoughts and helps me take the stress of everyday life,  with it’s bills, it’s debt, its tragedies, its ups downs and in-betweens.

Bring. It. On.

I write (edit) this newsletter for an organization I belong to. I can trace my heritage back to the Revolutionary War and my Patriot Ancestors name was Capt. Samuel Swearningen .. It’s history and it needs to be re-taught to your kids. They are not being taught this in American History Classes. Why?

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Power of Prayer

I was talking with a co-worker about my impending tax doom and she was bringing me news I didn’t want to hear but deep down I knew that it was not going to be good. I recall that yesterday I was sitting in the Easter service and we were celebrating the  ascension of Christ from the tomb, I felt good about yesterday, a new beginning was in the air and I felt a bit of relief come from my shoulders as I felt the Spirit of God move through my blood.  I dislike very much ( a kinder version of hate) bad news, I despise its outcome, I am tired of learning from mistakes that I seem to make daily. How can I get out of this rut?,how can I make the change I need to turn this page corner and not have it tear? It is beyond me how God has come to my benefit for so many years, I am blessed that he has shown favor upon my family.  I know that the prayer I say today and everyday from now on has helped so many people, I pray it helps me this year.


Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.

A Break from the Story and a ? to ask,d.eXY&psig=AFQjCNHBMHDCF77FpNZEZMqyfR-SWT0feA&ust=1427398886001818


So I’ve been contemplating writing for a living, how it’s done, how to get into it painlessly and how to avoid the inevitable feelings you get when your work is dismissed as “not worthy of publication”, whatever that means.. I mean I write for fun, and now I want to do it for profit, I am a great audio story teller, I love audiobook narration and telling the story and bringing it to life through characters, inflection, emotion and the like.

Now, I’ve gotten a “bump” so to speak from my higher power, I call him GOD and he pushed me to this group of people known as the “The Barefoot Writers Club” #barefootwritersclub and I am seriously thinking of joining the group, (for a small fee of course) and don’t get me wrong, I’m the first to recognize the “too good to be true” phenomenon and just blow past it and perhaps try and do this on my own without the support of others who like to write and make major bucks doing it.  But I think that if I write (type) like I speak , it should make for good readership right?  C’mon I need some encouragement here, need a push from my contemporaries who do this all day, everyday and can help me make this decision.

So…. if you would please leave a comment, a suggestion, hey I’ll even take critiques (criticism) of my work. I just need to know that I have indeed some sort of journalistic talent and that I CAN make a difference in this world plunging myself and my mind into its literary dungeon of wordsmithing.

Now.. back to the story.. where was I, oh yeah the year 2022 and the Jihadists have taken areas of our country and I and the other survivors of a dirty bomb have been captured after we, as guerrilla snipers picked off a bunch of them just south of Kilo Charlie….


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10:26 Sierra

I don’t have much time here, we were captured just after taking out the Had’s one by one, we were not paying attention, and they found us, why we haven’t been put in cages and burned alive is beyond me, perhaps they want to use us as bait, or barter for something,, I don’t know, we’ve been put in an old bus, with bars welded on the windows, like something out of a movie, we get hard tack and water for meals twice a day, Bravo is close by, just out of sight across the street, someday’s, up on the roof on others, he barks to let me know he’s still alive, I can’t believe how stupid we were to not watch our backs.. drones have been hovering all day and night, they’re ours, Had’s aren’t savvy enough to have them.. someone is coming to help, they get closer everyday.. I feel it.. one of the few of these savages is a little friendly, he doesn’t speak English, but his body language is easy to understand, I think he feels like he is doing the wrong thing for the wrong reasons.. the leader of this band is yapping angrily at him from just outside the bus, he is waving his machete around wildly and gesturing towards us.. this can’t be good..


15:47 Sierra

they never knew what hit them, we began right at sundown, the most vulneralble time in their lives, when they let their guard down and we killed them all, one by one, their screams filled the night as we took the tiny little town back. i puked for about an hour as I thought to myself, this is the first time I’ve ever really  seen what I had done,, before it was always from a distance where I just sprayed metal all over the area and hoped to Christ I hit them.. this was the most brutal thing i’ve ever done to anyone, to watch them instantly die and thinking that I had done what God had forbidden us to do and that was to kill another human being.. I can’t even imagine what it was like in all the other wars for those kids.. I’m an old fucking man now and I never thought I would see the day that I would have to resort to this type of violence to protect my freedom and the freedom so many before have fallen for.. as we made our way down the hillside from our positions, the people that had been hiding came out.. slowly at first then pouring out from all kinds of nooks an crannys in what is left of this little town. we found a flag in a burnt out hardware store and although it was slightly burnt we fashioned a pole with some twine and put the American Flag up on top of the highest building slid the pole between stacks of bricks to keep it straight up, if the Hads come again they’ll know we’re here and the people will stand their ground… I am still crying..


14:25 Sierra

its been almost a week and we’ve moved way past the city, took fuel from every empty and not burnt or blown up vehicle we could find, the boys are becoming better at sighting enemy and to follow their trail, we’ve been tracking the Hads for about 2 days, idiots leave a trail of candy wrappers, porn and smoldering fire pits that are easy to map.. katie is on point leading the way.. she’s an amazing kid, about 23 or so i’d guess.. curses like a sailor and takes no crap from her mates.. we are setting up a snare of sorts, will pick them off one by one, mully (it’s what I call him, have no clue what his real name is, its a nickname for mulligan , he’s always asking me to try again when trying to do something, mostly dangerous) has developed a sound suppressor for my hastily put together sniper rifle, this old 30-06 has been around for almost a 100 years but it shoots straight as hell and will blow the head off anyone.. he put this thing together with a piece of aluminum, some oil filters found in a blown apart gas station and some c-clamps.. works like a charm.. the sound at our end sounds like someone hitting you with a pillow.. they’ll never hear it coming.. they’ve set up a camp about a mile south of desoto, a ghost town now.. no Americans anywhere alive that we’ve found.. we start tonight, during their evening prayers. God forgive us, but this is OUR country not theirs and we’ll defend it….

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